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Five Ways to Help Your Child Handle Stress

When children are faced with a crisis situation, it can be hard to know what to do for them. The types of situations I am talking about here are along the lines of divorce (especially high-conflict divorce), surviving natural disasters, having their boundaries sereiously violated, or being a victim or witness to violence. Being bullied at school or rejected by peers is another kind of stress that can be hard for kids to cope with. Having a caring adult in their lives who can help them cope with the stressful event can be very important to their resolving the event. Here are five things you can do as a caring adult to help the child get through a stressful situation. Keep in mind the three C's: calm (help them be calm by modeling it for them); containment (don't let them hurt themselves, you or others); and compassion (put yourself in their shoes).
  1. Give the child a chance to talk about what happened, but also respect his or her own pace. You might say something like, "I know what happened to you upset you and I want you to know that I am hear to listen to anything you want to say about it.
  2. Encourage the child to take care of himself or herself physically. If they complain of "tummy aches" or headaches, that can be a sign that they are having a hard time putting words to what they're feeling.
  3. Keep an eye on them for signs of depression, aggression, or putting themselves in dangerous situations (e.g., not watching when they're crossing the street, uncharacteristic reckless behavior like jumping off a high tree, etc.).
  4. Spend special time with the child. Let him/her know you care by making time to be with him or her, and give the child verbal encouragement. Help the child remember how special he/she is to you.
  5. Know when to get help. If the child is talking about hurting himself or others, is spending a lot of time crying or isolating, is doing self-injurious things, etc., get the child some professional help. Don't assume it's a phase he or she is going through.
By giving the child an adult who is understanding, open to hear the child's experience, and shows concern for the child's well being in an unintrusive way, the child has a much better chance of getting through the experience well. As a caring adult in a young person's life, you have a great chance to help the child not only with the current stressor, but also future stressful events as well. You are sending him or her the message that he or she is important, deserves care, respect and protection, and that they have allies in the world. They don't have to shoulder the burden of stress alone.

This can help lay a foundation for more effective stress management through the child's lifetime -- all because you care and implemented the suggestions we've discussed here! For more information about the three C's of parenting, see the article page by the same title under the tab called "Articles." For additional support when your child is having a lot of stress, please call me at 661-233-6771.